Derek Kehler

My life has been crazy this last year.

Last May, Greg Bell and I started a company called Orange Peel Media. It was an exciting time, because I have always been an entrepreneur at heart.

At that point in my life I made the decision, to let my music take a backseat to my career. At the time, Adrian Glynn and I had been doing a monthly gig at Backstage Lounge, where I enjoyed some of my favourite shows as a performer. I will always look back on those times as exciting. However, because of my career, I started to find that they were becoming a chore. I didn’t have the time to put into them like I used to. So, after two years of good times at Backstage, Adrian and I decided to give it a rest.

For a few months I put my guitar in a corner (the first time in about 8 years) and didn’t even think about it. I even really enjoyed the time away from it.

Anyway, in the last few months, I have picked it up again and have made a few passes at writing some new songs.

Nothing seems to be working though: I have one rhythm, and that’s all I seem to know how to play; I can’t come up with a half-assed lyric for the life of me; and I’m far too stuck to know what’s wrong.

In a way I feel like I’ve just sobered up and realized that I was never a very good songwriter… well, not really, but that’s what I tell myself to get depressed so that I can write.

When it comes down to it, like most songwriters, most of my best songs have come out of depression and melancholy moods. It has always worked for me because I’ve always been depressed in one way or another, but now things seem to have changed. It’s not because I’m blissfully happy… because I’m not. And it’s not because my life too good to be depressed about it… because it’s definitely not. But I am just too busy to be depressed, and I just can’t afford to be melancholy!

Now that I’m quite sure that I know what the problem is, I’m not sure I want to go there. It makes me wonder if a songwriter can really put out good music without the manic lows, and fleeting highs…

So the question is: where does music fit in my life now?

my life is a madhouse. for some reason, i enjoy beating my body and mind with more events and projects than i ever thought i could possibly handle.

for those of you who don’t know, i am currently enrolled in the interactive media and web design course at capilano college (i’m sure there’s no one reading this that doesn’t know me). although some of the classes seem to waste more time than they do accomplish anything, we are taking a database course as well as a php programming course. between these two classes i have enough work to keep me busy and utterly stressed out most of the time.

However, that just doesn’t seem to be enough for me.

1. i just got a gym membership, that i intend to use at least three times a week.

2. i seem to always find myself doing another contract job that consumes more of my time than i expected

3. on top of everything, i also decided a to do my final directed study in ruby on rails (a framework that i know nothing about).

my conclusion: i’m a glutton for pain.

here’s my dilemma:

i have two books that seem to sit on my table playing devil and angel in my head. the php book is the angel; it says “derek, read me. i am everything that actually matters. i am what you’re supposed to be reading”. and the devil is my ruby on rails book. it says: “derek, i’ll make things so much easier for you. you know you want to… i love you”

for some reason the seductive devil always wins.
it’s definitely starting to effect my schoolwork, but the way i see it: at least i’m not wasting away my days watching people injure themselves on Youtube.